From Doubt to Devotion: How Love Led Me to God

I went from rejecting God to learning that love is action. Heartbreak, unexpected guides, and small acts of service pulled me into a living conversation with God.

TL;DR: I didn’t believe in God. Then love—costly, practical love—rewired my heart. This is the story, the practices that keep me grounded, and an invitation to try them.

The Beginning: A Life Without God

If you had told my teenage self that one day I’d be writing about God, I would’ve laughed—or gotten angry. Back then, I didn’t just doubt God; I rejected Him. On a good day I was agnostic; most days I was atheist. I felt misunderstood, depressed, and disconnected. I even prayed to die—not because I believed anyone was listening, but because I wanted to prove to myself that no one was.

I tempted God in those years: If You’re real, do something. Silence was the answer—or so I thought.

Cracks in the Wall

Years later, somewhere between the misery I’d brought on myself and the family who kept loving me anyway, something shifted. Psychedelics entered my life. I’m not here to glorify them, but I won’t lie about their role either. Those experiences peeled back a layer of reality I didn’t know existed. They hinted at something beyond the material world—something intelligent, something loving. For the first time, I wondered if there was more. Maybe—maybe—God was real.

This happened before I opened a Bible or stepped into a church. My relationship with God began outside structure or doctrine. It was raw, unfiltered, and personal.

Note: I don’t consider psychedelics a shortcut to faith or a requirement for spiritual growth. They were simply part of my story. Discernment, safety, and mentorship matter.

The First Prayer That Mattered

Fast-forward to one of the hardest seasons of my life: heartbreak. I’d been in a situationship with someone I truly loved, and I made mistakes that broke it beyond repair. When the truth came out, it crushed me. I was drowning in grief when Bre—someone who cared about me—said while we walked our dog, “Just talk to Him. Ask Him for the truth.”

So I did. For the first time, I prayed with intention. I asked for peace, clarity, and love. Something happened. Not a lightning strike—more like a steady warmth. That night I forgave Jasmine. I saw her pain and wanted good for her, even if that good didn’t include me. That was new for me. That was God working on my heart.

What Love Really Means

Prayer didn’t turn me into a better talker. It turned me into a better doer. God taught me that love isn’t how someone makes you feel; love is what you do.

Love is folding towels for your mom because you care.
Love is helping your dad pick a shirt because he asked.
Love is listening to your wife when you don’t fully get it, because it matters to her.
Love is quitting your job and driving your friend two states away so he can be the dad he’s meant to be.

Love is sacrifice. Love is action. God’s love is like that—limitless, patient, and often uncomfortable. He gives what we need, not always what we want. Sometimes that means heartbreak. Sometimes it means waiting. But it’s for our good.

God’s Love Is For Everyone

There’s a kind of love that draws circles to shut people out. God draws bigger circles.

If you’re transgender, gay, straight, questioning, neurodivergent, odd, different, loud, quiet—whoever you are—God’s love isn’t rationed. You are not an exception. Full stop.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Image-bearing is universal. Your worth isn’t up for debate.
Belonging precedes behavior. People grow when they’re loved, not when they’re shamed.
Humility over certainty. When I’m tempted to police other people’s stories, I remember how patient God has been with mine.

I don’t have all the theological answers. I do have marching orders: love indiscriminately. That’s the way Jesus loved people who didn’t fit the mold.

Jesus and the Path Forward

I respected Jesus as history; I’ve come to know Him as a living invitation. “Only through Christ” doesn’t read to me like a membership card. It reads like a path: compassion, humility, sacrificial love.

Am I fully Christian? I’m still working that out. But I know this: I prayed for a partner when I was lonely and adrift. God answered. Therese is everything I prayed for—compassionate, wise, strong, loving. She carries the best qualities of the women who came before her, and they helped shape me into the man who could love her well.

Practices That Keep Me Grounded

These aren’t rules. They’re rails I hold onto so I don’t drift:

Simple daily prayer (5 minutes). Out loud or in a journal. Gratitude → Confession → Ask → Listen.
Acts of service. One small, concrete action for someone close to me every day.
Scripture in small doses. Start with the Gospels; one chapter, one takeaway, one action.
Silence & breath. Two minutes of quiet—no phone. Name what I’m feeling; hand it to God.
Weekly examen. Where did I resist love? Where did I receive it? What changes this week?

A Word on Suffering and Waiting

God didn’t remove every hard thing. He taught me to walk differently through them. Answers were slow. Healing was slower. But love—God’s love—gave me legs when I couldn’t stand on my own.

The Takeaway: Love First

If you take nothing else from my story, take this: love first. In a divided world, love is the steady hand. Love like a father, mother, brother, sister. Love strangers. Love when it costs you. Love indiscriminately. That’s how God loves us—every day.

Your Turn

What moments in your life revealed love’s true meaning? Leave a comment, share your story, or take one action today to love someone in a way they can feel.

Closing Thought

I started this journey praying to die. Today, I pray to live—and to love like God loves me.